Unfortunately, I Need a New Swimsuit

No, that isn't me in the red swimsuit, but I was it were.

I dug out my ratty old swimsuit yesterday thinking I would dash down to the local pool and spend 20 minutes or so soaking in their hot tub to help ease the aching muscles I had discovered when I took advantage of the sunshine this morning and pulled a bunch of weeds encroaching on my flower beds.

That suit, which has served me well for the last 6 or 7 years seemed to have shrunk.  Hmm. Surely I haven't gained more  than a pound or two since I last tried it on.  But, whether the suit actually decided to shrink (for  the first time ever) or I miscalculated the number of pounds I had gained, the suit was extremely uncomfortable. 

Not being in a shopping mood, I wedged myself into the shrunken suit and headed for the pool only to find that it was overrun with kids.  I had forgotten that this was a no-school day due to budget cuts.
I decided to go back home without my anticipated soak, especially since I was beginning to have trouble breathing by then, due to my tight suit.

Well, this week-end I will have to face an ordeal I have put off for as long as I can--the shopping for a new swimsuit ordeal.  Unless you are a female with an ever-expanding figure like mine, you cannot possibly relate to the dilemma that leaves me in.  Should I give up swimming (or hot tub soaking) for the rest of my life?  Or perhaps, (not my favorite choice), I should go on a strict diet and lose some pounds.  Or--should I humble myself and subject myself to the pitying stare of the salesgirl at J. C. Penny's and spend an afternoon trying on swimsuits until I find one that is passable? 

There is one other choice.  I could go online and order my very own Red Draped Shirred Swimsuit by Delta Burke®, like the one in the picture above and have it delivered (preferably in a brown paper wrapper) to my front door.  Actually, mine would be dark blue or black.  At my age and weight, I'm not about to show up in public wearing a shocking pink or red bathing suit.  I know when I've passed my prime and, as much as I hate to admit it, that was quite a few years ago.

Anyway, I think I'll give it a try, and if I end up looking half as good as Delta does, you can find me at  the local swimming pool about this time Friday afternoon next week.