Funerals Are Never Easy, But Doing Some Research Ahead Of Time Can Help

My mother passed away in 2001 in a town quite a distance from where I live. I laid awake the night before her funeral wondering if I had taken care of all the little details involved in her memorial service. What if I had forgotten something really important? A funeral seemed so final, and I knew there was no doing it over if I messed it up.

As it turned out, it wasn’t me who messed up. I told my daughter and her husband where the graveside service was to be held, but, instead of turning right at the second bridge to reach the cemetery, they turned at the first one and ended up making an unwanted tour of the local golf course.

I held off the beginning of the service as long as possible, but finally resigned myself to the fact that my daughter was going to miss her grandmother’s funeral and told the minister to go ahead and begin.

About half way through the service, a car pulled in down the hill from the burial site and my daughter and her family came rushing up the hill.

The pastor, a good friend of ours, adapted quickly to the situation, and, without a moment’s hesitation, began the service again as soon as they were all seated. No one gave any indication that they had heard half the service before and from that point on, things went off without a hitch.

A funeral truly is a time when you don’t need things to go wrong. All of us have heard horror stories of flowers being delivered to the wrong funeral home, or not at all, and of pastors who forget the day of the funeral and make a trip out of town. And one of the most hurtful things when you are already hurting is for some well-meaning relative to greet you after the service and tell you that your loved one told them they wanted to be cremated instead of having a ground burial like you had planned, or that they had always hated the song you hired the best soloist you could find to sing before the service.

Unfortunately, you can't plan for every unforeseen thing that might happen, but, if you do expect to find yourself in the unenviable position of planning a funeral service, eliminate some of the worry by investing a little time before you are called upon to take care of final arrangements for someone close to you.

If possible, sit down with family members and ask them what they would like should they end up being the one a service must be planned for, and share your preferences for yourself with them. A notebook listing these preferences for each family member would not be a bad idea. Discuss whether a church service or a graveside service is best; and should it include a viewing of the body of the deceased, or be a memorial service after the actual burial or cremation has taken place. Write down the names of favorite songs and favorite flowers. Believe me, there will be a time when you will be glad you did.

Ask what cemetery each person prefers and whether gravesites have been pre-purchased. Is there a special something they would like written on their grave marker or a poem they would like to be in the memorial leaflet? So many things we never think of before the need arises, and then we wish we had asked.

One less thing to worry you at the time of bereavement, will be welcome, indeed.